


Running Up That Hill

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesiac Bastila Shan, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Past Revan Wasn’t Nice, Past Violence, Role Reversal, Slow Build, Slow Burn, of sorts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:02:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28945611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: One stray blast makes all the difference.When Revan is fighting Bastila on the Star Forge, a stray blast from a Republic warship leads to a badly injured and amnesiac Bastila, and Malak’s escape. Revan will be damned if he repeats the same things the Council did with the woman he loves, though.
Relationships: Male Revan/Bastila Shan, Revan/Bastila Shan
Kudos: 9
Collections: Bad Day Collection





	Running Up That Hill

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: I do love this ship. I know not many people in the KOTOR fandom do, but I adore Bastila, so...
> 
> Title from the Kate Bush song of the same name.

— the clashing of lightsabers, yellow against red, at least before the Star Forge shook and Revan and Bastila fell...

As Revan woke, he saw Bastila. Unconscious, he knew that. He’d know if she’d died. He’d just know...

”It’s okay,” he said. He was no healer, but he could get her to someone who was, at least. “I won’t leave you. I promise, Bastila.”

***

”Gann.” Juhani, even as Revan walked out, carrying Bastila in a way that could have almost been called bridal style if not for how horrible the situation was. “Quickly! The Star Forge is going down...I don’t know how, but...”

”Yeah, I know.” Revan all but made his way as quickly as he could towards the Hawk, ducking under the part of the Ebon Hawk where he could have banged his head or Bastila’s. Ducking just right before boarding the Hawk, taking her to medbay. The other Jedi were heading towards their ships. 

Bastila was injured. Badly. Revan could feel himself shaking; it was like he was on the verge of full-on panicking. Maybe he was. 

"I did this, Jolee,” he finally said. “I made Malak...”

”Kid, get ahold of yourself,” Jolee said, sternly. “This is a mess, to put it mildly. But the crew needs you. Bastila needs you.”

”Yeah.” Revan took a deep breath. “There is no emotion, there is peace...”

It was a lie. But even as they pulled into Dadonna’s ship later, it at least made things easier. 

***

”If you want me to wipe her memories, I just can’t do it.”

Revan stood before the Jedi Council, on Dadonna’s ship. Bastila was still recovering in medbay from her injuries; she was alive, the healer said, but badly hurt. 

Zhar looked solemn. “I worried the same thing with you, Revan. You don’t know how much.”

Revan could have a good idea. After all, Zhar had talked to him about it when the crew of the Ebon Hawk had stopped on the Yavin space station to recuperate. Revan had been angry then. Grieving. He supposed in some ways he was still grieving. 

Zhar continued. “I don’t blame Bastila, for what it was worth. She could not have resisted any more than our other Jedi could. The fact that she endured so long and so much...”

“Yeah.” Revan’s voice shook. Stars, what did Malak even say to her to sway her over? What poison did he pour in her ears?

He remembered the Temple summit. _Malak forced me to acknowledge my anger and pain_ , Bastila had said. What had Malak uncovered?

”She was brave,” Vandar said. “When she’s strong enough, she’ll understand."

Revan hoped.

***

”Hey.”

Revan visited Bastila then, in medbay. She was looking at least better than she had after Revan had dragged her out of the Star Forge. That didn’t really say much, though. She was still pale. Still unconscious. 

Still dressed in those black robes that seemed wrong on her. She’d looked beautiful on the Temple summit, but she wasn’t Bastila. She wasn’t the woman that Revan had fallen in love with. The woman who he’d wanted approval from, even if he covered it up by teasing her. He’d been effectively doomed from the moment they’d met on Taris. A strong, resourceful woman who, when you got down to it, had a phenomenal spirit and a great heart.

The woman in the black robes had been beautiful, but she wasn’t Bastila.

”I know you can hear me,” Revan said. “Somewhere in the Bond, maybe. I know that you went through a lot. Things I could never understand.”

 _Things I good as arranged_...

“It wasn’t your fault, Bastila,” Revan said. “I’m just...impressed that you endured so long. You weren’t weak. Malak was trying to prove something, wasn’t he, the idea that you were weak. But you weren’t. I...I am." He could remember it now. Commands that he had given to break Jedi, to commit horrors, large and small. “If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t know how precious life is. You saved me, Bastila.” He took a deep breath. “My turn.”

No response.

”Lord Revan.” Yuthura. They’d picked her up on Korriban, the Ebon Hawk crew had. “Are you all right? The woman in medbay...was she important to you?”

Revan smiled faintly. "She taught me what valuing life really meant. Without her, I would be much, much lesser than I am.”

”She must have been extraordinary,” Yuthura said. 

“She still is.” Revan said. 

_And I’m grateful to her. So grateful_. 

***

The Ebon Hawk was still docked on Dadonna’s ship. Even as Revan sat by Bastila’s side, he wondered what he would have been without her. A monster, no doubt. The fury of a Sith Lord, seeking to unite the Republic against evil without realizing how far he’d gone...

”Hey.” Mission, this time. “You okay?”

”Yeah. Just worried.”

Mission frowned. “I’m not a kid, Gann. You can say you’re in love with her.”

”Was it that obvious?”

Mission sighed. “Yeah! You guys were bickering like you were married or something.” She sat down, sighed. “You know what’s awful? Malak just got away with everything! He just got away with torturing one of our crew! I mean, Bastila might have been Miss High and Mighty sometimes, but she was one of us.”

”You could say the same thing about me,” Revan said. “Mission...I taught Malak everything he knew.”

”Don’t compare yourself to him,” Mission said vehemently. “You’re nothing like him, Gann. You’re a million times the man he is, and I told you, I don’t see a Sith Lord standing there. You renounced that!” Softer, “Gann, trust me, you’re nothing like him.”

"Mission — ”

”Malak still made that choice,” Mission said. “He could have turned back after you did, but he didn’t."

”I...suppose.” Then, “Malak used to be my best friend. He didn’t use to be a monster.” Silence. “Long ago, he thought the galaxy of me. He was...quiet, gentle despite how big he was.”

”Like Big Z.” Mission sounded flabbergasted, almost like she couldn’t picture that. 

Revan continued. "And what he did...he wouldn’t have done it on his own. He idolized me. And...”

 _A cleaving of a lightsaber, a piece of Malak’s jaw lying on the floor — and for what bit of pique that Revan had had_?

”I want to save him,” Revan said. 

“What, because you want to make up for everything?” Mission said. “I mean...Gann, there’s only so much you can blame yourself for. I just don’t like seeing you blaming yourself. You’re my friend."

Revan, slowly, smiled faintly. “You’re my friend too, Mission. And hey, no matter how bad things get, we’ll still be friends. It’s nice, having friends.”

Mission did smile at that. 

***

Revan fell asleep after Mission left, sitting by Bastila’s side. 

His nightmares were busy. 


End file.
